It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time, All the Time

Tackling a sandwich classic

Guilty Pleasures | Josh Serebryannik | October 27, 2015

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There’s nothing better than a classic.

Dear readers,

I’m a man who likes to talk about current issues. But I’m also a man who never forgets the past. For every single day of my academic life, give or take a few hundred days, I have eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Needless to say, I’m an expert. I’ve had all the combinations: crunchy with grape on white bread, creamy with grape on white bread, etc. Since I started at Indiana last August, I’ve eaten close to my own body weight in the sandwich that best defines my childhood. I won’t tell you exactly how much that is, but it’s around the same as 150 pounds worth of cotton balls.

Dear readers, I want to be honest with you. I have a serious issue with these sandwiches that RPS sells. It’s not an issue with the peanut butter choice, although it could use a bit of sodium. There’s no problem with the jelly, which seems to be almost-grape flavored. My gripe isn’t with the bread, despite the fact that it always seems to seek refuge in the roof of my mouth after every bite. It’s the packaging that I hate. I firmly believe that peanut butter sandwiches should be easily accessible to anyone who wants one. When my dear mother made me sandwiches as a child, the only barrier to my consumption was a brown paper bag and a Ziploc bag. If I want to eat an RPS peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I need to navigate a treacherous combination of stickiest adhesive known to man, tough wrapping, and an incredibly confusing folding technique. I’ve been told to just rip through the sticker, but sometimes the openings aren’t apparent. I’ve been instructed to just dig my finger through the wrapping, but it’s so easy to get lost in the folds. Sometimes brute force yields results, but at what sandwich crumpling cost? Simply put, there’s no easy way to eat these sandwiches which is so upsetting, because they are a quintessential part of the college student’s diet.

Dear readers, I still believe in the peanut butter sandwich. It’s delicious. It’s nutritious? It’s got nutrients probably. Despite my difficulty with opening these sandwiches, I’ll still eat them. The RPS still has my patronage, at least until my I-BUCKS run out. Knowing me, they’ll run out on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

8.24 out 10 stars