After a long day of skipping two out of three classes, waiting in the horrendous line at Starbs, and finishing an entire season of Gossip Girl, it’s finally time to go to the bars and drink the night away.
You stumble into Roy’s and search for the emptiest bar (or the bar with the hottest bartender- whichever is closest). You and your friends order your go-to Long Island flavors, while the hipsters across the bar laugh at you for being basic bitches. Little do you know, your choice of Long Island flavor says a lot more about you than just the fact that you’re basic.
The Original Long Island
For The Wet Blanket
Bartenders are so used to hearing people order random flavors of Long Islands that they probably say “Wait- what kind of Long Island?” when you order. Don’t let their continued questioning fool you, though. This flavor is the most boring of them all.
The Strawberry/Peach/Pineapple/Any Fruit Long Island
For The Child At Heart
This is the person that ordered Shirley Temples as a kid and isn’t ready to let go of their childhood. Sure, they may be in college, but as far as they’re concerned, they’re still going to order the drink with the most sugar and syrup in it as possible.
The Banana Long Island
For The Person Who Is Literally A Grandma
I don’t know why anybody would order this, but I think that they would be really good at being an old person between banana cream pie and banana pudding.
The Red Bull Long Island
For The Person Who Pregamed With Wine
This person chose to pregame $2 Tuesday with Moscato. It seemed like a good idea in theory, but now it’s 11:02 pm and they’re falling asleep on the Roy’s patio.
The Baltimore Zoo Long Island
For The Total Bro
Long Islands can typically be found in the hands of a girl. That’s why they created the Baltimore Zoo. This person can’t afford to take shots and doesn’t want to look like a douche with a beer in their hand, so he settles for this manly Long Island.
The Water Long Island
For The Annoying Bitch Who Counts Their Calories At The Bar
Maybe this isn’t true, but why do we drink these? This is my drink of choice and I genuinely don’t know why. It tastes like watered down nail polish remover with lemon seeds floating around in it.
The Tex Mex Long Island
For The Person That Has Too Many Issues To Deal With
This person is crazy because they love tequila so much that they’ll ruin a good Long Island for it. They’re probably drinking a Tex Mex because they’ve had a bad day or are in desperate need to get drunk as fast as possible without taking tequila shots. This person will also probably end up in a heated fight or a heated hook up by the end of the night.